Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for You! 1Peter 5:7

I grew up watching my Mom battle anxiety.  I'll never forget her very first anxiety attack, I sat in tears, pleading with God not knowing if she was going to live or die.  I found instant relief when the doctors told us that she was JUST having an anxiety attack.  You see my Mom is the type of person who bottles everything inside, she let's everyone confide in her, but confides in no one.  I promised myself that I would never bottle up my emotions, I would be open and honest, even if that meant I was going to be vulnerable, or uncomfortable.
During our Sun Stand Still Fall Challenge Bible Study Group,   I declared that I was going to pray for God to heal my OCD.  Well throughout the challenge I realized I would do things like lift my hands in the air and say a prayer, in attempt to control my anxiety.  I don't bottle my emotions inside WHY DO I HAVE ANXIETY?  I have faith bigger than a mustard seed, WHY DO I HAVE ANXIETY?  I am immensely blessed WHY DO I HAVE ANXIETY?  I don't get it, why is this happening to me.  I had such a bad anxiety attack, when I was working last year, that they had to call an ambulance, I thought I was having a heart attack.  WHYYYYY???? 
Just as I was praying my sun stand still prayer, God was lining up events in my life that would soon force me to face my ANXIETY head on!  I was a wreck, when Micah's Dr. told us, that our ONE YEAR OLD SON, was going to need another MRI on his brain, because of his continued head growth.  You know what I did the three weeks leading up to the MRI?  I stayed home, I cried, I cleaned, i searched the Internet reading horror story after horror story, I lived in fear.  Then I fasted, for the first time in my life, then I prayed, My family prayed, My friends prayed!  God used this event in my life to draw me closer to him.  But the anxiety wouldn't go away.  I would have glimpses of peace, but they were far and few in between.  I remember calling the doctor's office to find out the results, and of course, everything was absolutely normal!  I praised God dropped to my knee's, tears flew from my eyes so quickly I thought I would be floating in a river of tears when I was done praying.  Then I was good my anxiety was gone, until dun dun dun....... Noah's teeth surgery was coming up to fill some cavities, and they had to put him to sleep.  I then shut the world off, and sat reliving all the emotions and fears I had a week before.  Then Noah's surgery date came, and it was canceled, because he had a cold.  So I was good again, until dun dun dun.......  The surgery date came again, the fear cycle repeated, and again it was canceled, because Noah had a head cold.   I couldn't help but laugh, because God is a God of humor.......  He's reminding me that he's in CONTROL, and that he has everything under CONTROL, & that I need to give up CONTROL! 
I finally decided it was time to visit the good ol' Doctor.  I was crying hysterically as he asked me what I've been doing to help control my anxiety, I could barley talk without tasting the salt from my tears, but some how I got it out, "I've been praying" he then quoted scripture after scripture including one of my favorites, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 4:6-7)  He then prescribed me with a non-addictive medication, &  out of nowhere he bowed his head, and began to pray.  I instantly began to hysterically cry.......AGAIN....... but this time my tears, were accompanied by laughter.......  God was reminding me in the most perfect way that he has everything under control! 
A few days ago God had another divine intervention planned for me.......  Out of nowhere my Best friend Sam, Blessed me with a study bible!  It has changed my perception of God, allthough I will always fear him, I am reminded that I shall not be afraid of him, because he is a God of Grace, Mercy, and Forgiveness.  I want to share a few paragraphs of a page I was reading the other day:  "It's essential business--this tearing of the heart.  Perhaps there has been too much preaching and posturing and not enough praying!  Real praying--prayer that allows God to get his hands on our heart--brings results.  Turning back to God, however, requires discipline like that of an athlete, disregarding the inevitable plan involved. The discipline of devotion includes the willingness to be broken, in order to be restored." ~~The Daily Bible Study for Women.  WOW.......  I remember as I started praying my Sun Stand Still Prayer, I was reluctant, and almost wanted to tell God never mind, I'd rather just deal with my anxiety rather than have to face it....... but God knows our hearts, & he never gives us more than we can handle! 
I'm sorry I can't tell you how everything turned out, because it's not the end of the story, it's only the beginning, but that's okay, I'm prepared.......  Because no longer will I allow anxiety to control my life, I've relinquished all control to my heavenly father!
"Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you!" 1Peter 5:7