God is so GOOD!

The past few months Masi & I participated in the Fall Sun Stand Still Challenge, which dared us to believe God for the impossible.  I was intrigued, inspired, and renewed; which reminded me that with God the possibilities were endless, and I was walking in faith that seemed so impossible! As I was reading the book "Sun Stand Still, by Steven Furtick" I read a chapter entitled Mistake into Miracle, which instantly triggered extreme anxiety! I was so scared that by praying my Sun Stand Still Prayer I was opening up the door for things that I was not ready to face.  I became aware that when you ask God for the impossible you have to be willing to accept the trials and tribulations that come along with your answered prayer.  I guess I just expected that God would heal me from my anxiety with a snap of a finger. (I know that he is capable, but now I realize that if that were to happen I would have never grown from this experience!)  Despite my fear, I prayed my Sun Stand Still Prayer!  This was one of the only times in my entire life that I was asking that God’s will be done without expectations.  You see prior to reading this book I would ask for God’s will to be done in my life, but I would always have a list of stipulations: “But please don’t let anything bad happen, but please don’t cause us any pain in order for your will be done”!  Reading this now I laugh at the thought that I was really in control of this.  I see now that I was never really giving God the opportunity to heal me!   I think it was a week after I prayed my Sun Stand still Prayer that I sat in my Son’s pediatrician’s office as he told me, that he was ordering another MRI of Micah’s brain.  I remember fighting back tears, so many horrible thoughts ran through my mind, that I found no comfort in the Dr’s words, “I am just being precautious; I don’t think anything is wrong with him, I just want to make sure!  He probably is just a chip off the old block” The only thing I heard was that my youngest Son would be needing another MRI!  The next day I stood in shock as the dentist told me that Noah would be needing surgery to fill his cavities.  The only thing I heard was Surgery, I didn’t listen as the Dentist reassured me this is common in toddlers, and the only reason he needs to have surgery is because he is so young and strong that he will fight the dentist the entire time.  Instead of realizing that God was answering my prayers, I was blaming myself for not taking my prenatal vitamins everyday while I was pregnant with Micah, I was feeling responsible for apparently not brushing Noah’s teeth enough and now he has to have surgery.  In the midst of all my fear and anxiety I sat in Bible Study angry, scared, and helpless.  I can remember the exact moment when I realized that God was answering my prayers, it was on the last day of our Fall Sun Stand Still Challenge, and we were talking about how we felt prior to starting this challenge & how much we’ve grown in the past six weeks.  As I began to express every feeling that was lingering through my body, I had an epiphany, how was I supposed to be healed from something if I wasn’t willing to face it?  These past few weeks of waiting for Micah’s MRI have been a rollercoaster, it didn’t help that I was trying to diagnose the situation online, and of course everyone has their opinion of why children need MRI’s of the brain!  The only thing I learned from my research is that the devil is a liar, and I say that with the most triumphant smile ever! I’ve been fully relying on God these past couple of weeks, I’ve been praying a thousand times a day!  I still have my moments where fear tries it’s hardest to knock me on my knees, but then I find strength from God, & I get back up again! I’m not trying to boast when I talk about my prayers,because I believe the are suppose to be an intimate time with God, but I do want to tell you about my experience and how God has been carrying me through.  I couldn’t understand why I was still feeling anxious, and afraid, so I turned again to pray and I laid it all on the table, expressing every feeling I have felt these past couple weeks, and how I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just let these horrible feelings go, because I have so much Faith in Him?  I was on my knees confessing my heart, when I felt a feeling that I have never felt ever in my life, I began to sway back and forth, with my hands in the air, and felt like I was going to fall over, my hands began to tingle, and I just felt the presence of the Lord, I immediately began to cry and praise, I can’t explain it but it was the most wonderful feeling I’ve ever had in my entire life, it was during that moment when I knew everything was  going to be okay, that God himself was with our Family and that Micah, & Noah were going to be okay!  After balling my eyes out to Masi, then my Dad, I felt convicted to go on to Facebook, and let everyone know what was going on, & ask for a prayer request for Micah & Our Family, (which is extremely hard for me to do, because I can’t stand feeling vulnerable, and I always want to help others never the other way around)  I’ve been reading a lot of devotionals, and scriptures, and realized that when we are our most vulnerable, and when we are faced with trials and tribulations is the exact time that we should be open and honest with our friends, and family, and anyone for that matter, because when our prayers are answered God will receive all the Praise, and all the Glory!  The next evening when I went on facebook I was so humbled and thankful to see all of the people who have been praying for Micah & our Family, people who I don’t even talk to on a daily basis, are taking time out of their lives to lift Micah up in prayer, it reminded me how big our God is!  Micah’s MRI was on Monday, and this time seemed so much more bearable than the last.  Micah did so good, & because I wasn’t balling my eyes out they actually let me be in the room while he was having the MRI done.  We should know the results tomorrow, but I find complete comfort in knowing how big Our God is!   I never thought I can go through something like this and say that, but that’s how astonishing He really is!  I feel like this experience was him showing me that my anxiety has no control over me, if I just have faith, & scripture reassures us that we need faith as small as a mustard seed to move a mountain!  So dear anxiety, you think you have a hold of me, well you must have no idea who my Father is!!  <3 

Update:  We got Micah's MRI results & Praise God everything is NORMAL!  God is so good, and so FAITHFUL!  To him be all the HONOR, PRAISE, & GLORY! <3